he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
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At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
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i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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