My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
