i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
