what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
