she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
