If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
