and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
