Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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