guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
