My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
