The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
