Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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