shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
