remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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