You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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