I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
