If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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