I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
