And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
