she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
