jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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