I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
