every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
