who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
