So drunk its hurt
i was born a porn star she said
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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