well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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