DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We got so high we made milksteak
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
