Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
