Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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