i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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