We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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