so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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