and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
