i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
