the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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