I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
