We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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