There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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