I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
