So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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