The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
