Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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