and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
