Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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