May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
