1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
