You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
