Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He? As in you personified your dick?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
