Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
