I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
my liver is dry heaving
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
