Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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