oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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