Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You pole danced in your parka.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
