Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
