Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
