I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
