i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
