did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
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Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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