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I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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