so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
