Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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