Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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