I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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