Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
