Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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