Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
