I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
