Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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