Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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