her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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