I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.