You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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