After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
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Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
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I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.