Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century