So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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