My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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