I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize