I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
