dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
