Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
