i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
