If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
