he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
