She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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