Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
