We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
