Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
