The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
